Daily Shenanigans
by Otsuge
Summary: A collection of crack drabbles. Slight AU where the protagonists and rivals live in one house. Characters are updated with each chapter.
1. Bandaids Fix Everything

**A/N; It's been a really long time since I've posted anything on here, but uh I somehow ended up getting really invested in this crackverse story. I do hope that my writing skills have somewhat improved since the last time I posted anything because reading my old stories was just atrocious and an overall suffering experience. This AU is inspired by Lyra Kamiya's fic, Roommates and Locked Doors. It's hilarious and you definitely should check it out. Anyways, don't expect this to go in chronological order or to have any set pairings because I've adopted the philosophy of ship everything and regret nothing. And with that I present this soon to be monster of ongoing crack drabbles.**

* * *

Disclaimer: Do we still have to do these things?

* * *

Chapter 1: Bandaids Fix Everything

Ruby let out a long sigh. It was far too early for things like this. "I'll get the first aid kit."

There sat a bruised and scratched up Sapphire with a stupid look on her face. She was like a walking trip to the emergency room waiting to happen, but now that Ruby thought about it, the whole damn house was. By this point you'd think a first aid kit would be kept in every single room in the house or at least his roommates could stop being so stupid. It was very improbable that these idiots would stop being idiots so he figured spending a small fortune on medical supplies wouldn't be a complete waste of money. He'd have to look into that.

He returned with a handful of bandaids, peroxide, and cotton swabs.

"I'm covered in bruises! The pain is too much," Sapphire hissed as Ruby dabbed at her wounds.

"Stop being overdramatic."

"Stop being so aggressive then!"

Oh how he wanted to continue this argument by telling her to stop being a moron, but saying that is like telling a fish to ride a bicycle. It doesn't happen. Also that comment would get him punched. So he let it slide.

"Do I even want to know what happened?"

"I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball."

"What the heck, why would you ever do that?"

"I dunno. Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?"


	2. We Need to Step Up Our Game

**A/N; Drabbles are fun to write. There's no need for plotline or commitment yay.**

* * *

Chapter 2: We Need to Step Up Our Game

Blue never really spent much time with Platinum or Crystal to consider them her close friends. In fact, she'd never really spent much time with them until this summer and even then it was only because everyone moved in together. However, upon learning that they were leaving the house to go out to breakfast she'd decided to tag along. Crystal and Platinum didn't mind much either. They shared an understanding of how all of your meals being self-service can get tiring, and the desire to get away from all of the chaos that usually went on every morning.

At the diner, Blue was too invested in devouring the delicious stack of blueberry pancakes sitting in front of her to even care that Crystal and Platinum had left her to go use the restroom. It was part of the unspoken girl code, girls travel in packs, especially when someone had to use the restroom. Though the girl code didn't quite explain why she was left alone. But as previously mentioned Blue didn't really care so long as she had some food and some quiet.

"YOU WHAT?!"

The sudden shout from the stranger had caused Blue to briefly pause in shoveling food into her mouth and everyone in the entire restaurant to stop what they were doing to stare at him. "What did you do now?" he said much quieter this time as everyone turned back to what they were previously doing. Well, everyone except for Blue who was now intrigued by the sudden outburst and subconsciously was eavesdropping on the entire conversation. "What did we say about vodquila? Nothing good ever comes from mixing vodka and tequila. Ever."

"Yeah, yeah. Respect the vodquila, I know. But this is the last time I bail you out of jail you got it?" And with that the stranger slammed some money down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

Blue spotted Crystal and Platinum coming back to the booth. "What's with the look on your face? Did we miss anything?"

"The guy a few booths over just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail. I think we need to step up our game."


	3. Strawberry Hills Forever

**A/N; Watching drunk kitchen videos on youtube was certainly not one of my best ideas and this dumb drabble is proof enough.**

**...Also the title? Yes I've been reviewing the 60s and 70s time periods in history for finals so of course I listened to songs from the beatles as well. (And yes I am aware that it's Strawberry Fields Forever but I was trying to be witty. Note to self: stop trying to be witty)**

* * *

Chapter 3: Strawberry Hills Forever

Perhaps it was not their best idea. Well anyone would assume that anything involving cooking, a video camera, and a surplus of cheap wine would not have anywhere close to what could be considered a "good outcome".

It started with Gold wasting several hours watching drunk kitchen videos on youtube and insisting on Ruby lightening up. Then it snowballed from there.

"_Hey Ruby, check this out!" Gold shouted from down the hall. "We gotta do this man."_

Looking back on it, Ruby was really regretting even letting Gold convince him into doing this.

_Ruby stared at the computer unenthusiastically. "And what is the point of this?"_

"_Come on dude, we get some cheap alcohol, get drunk, bake a cheesecake or some shit, film it and then laugh at it when we're sober. It'll be fun! And we get to eat a cheesecake. What's better than that?"_

"_Why don't you ask Sapphire or somebody else to do it then?"_

"_Have you tried Sapphire's cooking before?" Ruby shivered at recalling that one incident with the macaroni and cheese. "Besides, we haven't had quality male bonding time in forever."_

"_Not interested." Ruby turned to head back to his room._

"_Geez I was just trying to get you to lighten up a little. You always take everything so seriously," he huffed._

_Gold winced as the door was loudly slammed shut._

**-oOo-**

"Oh Ruuuby~" Gold said as he threw open Ruby's bedroom door with one hand while holding two bottles of Strawberry Hills wine in the other.

"What do you want, Gold?" Ruby squinted before spotting the time on the clock next to his bed. "It's 1 in the morning for Christ's sake!" he complained and drowsily threw a pillow aiming for Gold's face. It missed much to his dismay.

Gold simply held up the wine and gave him one of those looks.

"You aren't going to stop bugging me about this until I say yes, are you?"

"Nope!" Gold chirped happily.

Ruby let out a long sigh before getting up and following Gold off to the kitchen.

Low and behold, the next day Red walked in on Ruby and Gold half asleep and quietly laughing to themselves on the kitchen floor at four in the morning covered in remnants of cheesecake and using each other as pillows.

**-oOo-**

"How're you holding up?"

"Well, I feel a whole lot better than I did this morning at 5 when Green discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and sitting in the bath tub with the shower on." Ruby let out a groan and made his way downstairs to take some Tylenol and wallow in his pain. However, both he and Gold heard the sound of hysterical laughter coming from the living room. They soon found out that someone found the video recording of last night's fiasco in the kitchen and everyone in the house was watching it.

"Maybe next time we don't finish the whole bottle of wine just because it tastes like shit."

"Yeah."

* * *

**A/N; Indeed Strawberry Hills wine tastes like crap. However, there's something magical about it where one minute you're scrunching up your face and deciding it's best to not drink anymore and then the next thing you know the whole damn bottle is empty. Well played Strawberry Hills, well played.**


	4. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

**A/N; Oh God don't ever let me write at 3 in the morning again.**

* * *

Chapter 4: Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Sleeping was difficult. His roommates had a knack for staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking loudly and getting too competitive over yahtzee. Diamond was never one to have any difficulties sleeping and yet here he was, 3 in the morning and going on the third night without any sleep.

He'd tried many different things. But no matter where he relocated to it was always loud whether it was his roommates pulling all-nighters or Sapphire's snoring. The next day, when asking Green for help the only advice Diamond received was to go for a jog or exercise for a little bit until he felt tired. That got a good laugh out of him and a punch in the shoulder.

"Don't laugh at my advice, asshole! You can keel over for all I care." Green walked away while muttering things about how this is what he gets for trying to be helpful.

When he turned to Yellow she gave him some earplugs and they exchanged an understanding look. "Best of luck, Diamond."

He didn't bother asking Sapphire, Pearl, Gold, or Blue since they were the source of the problem. Nor did he ask Red on account of his stoic attitude which made him seem unapproachable. And Silver was never really around. He was running out of options...

Crystal admitted that she didn't have much trouble sleeping after all of the years traveling with Gold and Silver. Platinum offered some sleeping pills, which he was too scared to take. Ruby told him to drink tea. All Diamond could do was smile and thank them for their suggestions because they were much more logical and kind than Green, but none of said suggestions actually worked.

At this point things were looking pretty hopeless so he decided to get some lunch. Food makes everything better.

**oOo**

At the diner he frequented the workers referred to him as "The Mighty Abyss". So when he only ordered a sub and some fries there was obviously something wrong.

"Hey man, you don't look so good," the waiter noted while scribbling down the order on a notepad. "Something wrong?"

"Nah not much. I just haven't slept well these past few days, haven't slept at all actually."

"Yeah man. Been there, done that."

"Yeah. My roommates are really loud, it's kind of hard to get any sleep when you're living with 11 people."

"Ohhh you must live in the infamous lighthouse then!" Diamond smiled nervously. Were they really that well known around the neighborhood. "You got it rough buddy."

Diamond didn't understand why this waiter whom he'd barely seen before was addressing him in such a casual manner but he agreed nonetheless.

The other, taking pity on Diamond, in a hushed tone said, "You know, if you really need some sleep you can crash in the storage room. I got a blanket and pillow set up in there anyway 'cos I crash there all the time. I'm the owner's son and he's a pretty laid back guy, just like me, so he'd probably be okay with it."

Diamond looked upon him like he was a divine being. He could have sworn he saw a heavenly light beaming down on the man and a choir of angels singing in the background. He shed a single tear of happiness.

**oOo**

Many times employees opened the storage room door to find Diamond sprawled out, peacefully sleeping and cuddling with a loaf of bread; and The Mighty Abyss soon became known as the weird kid who naps in their storage room.

"This is turning into quite a bad habit of his...You never should have said anything to him in the first place."

"We insomniacs gotta stick together man. Let him be."


	5. How Silver Lost His Faith in Humanity

**A/N; I've developed a bad habit of picking on Silver in place of Gold.**

* * *

Chapter 5: How Silver Lost His Faith in Humanity

Silver knew for a fact that the majority of his roommates were insane. Between Blue's lack of modesty, Pearl covering his face in duct tape and chasing Diamond throughout the house, and Gold being Gold, nothing these days really surprised him. What worried him most was that he was beginning to get used to everyone's crazy antics.

He sighed when he saw Sapphire rushing past him and Ruby following suit with a dress in his hands. He walked up to his room, hoping to get a quick power nap in before Kris's little sister, Lyra, who was regrettably staying with them for a few days, found him and dragged him off for another round of tea parties and dress up. Tea parties and dress up were strange hobbies for someone who was 15 years old, but Kris explained it was just Lyra being Lyra.

When he reached his room he found Green holding up a camera and posing, taking several pictures.

Noticing the sudden intrusion, a long awkward silence filled the air. "It's for my blog," Green said casually.

Silver said nothing. He only stared briefly then turned around and briskly walked out of the room, muttering under his breath about how there was no hope left for humanity. Green shrugged and continued taking pictures as if nothing had happened.

* * *

**A/N; And the nap was forgotten about. Silver was caught by Lyra. The world is cruel.**

**Now I can't take Green seriously because I keep imagining him taking selfies.**


End file.
